


Just Come Home

by RayneSummer



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur is here now bc he cares too sometimes!, Episode Tag, Episode: s01e04 The Poisoned Chalice, Episode: s01e05 Lancelot, Episode: s02e01 The Curse of Cornelius Sigan, Episode: s02e05 Beauty and the Beast, Episode: s03e02 The Tears of Uther Pendragon (Part II), Episode: s03e04 Gwaine, Episode: s04e01-02 The Darkest Hour, Episode: s04e04 Aithusa, Episode: s04e06 A Servant of Two Masters, Episode: s04e08 Lamia, Episode: s05e09 With All My Heart, Episode: s05e10 The Kindness of Strangers, Episode: s05e12 The Diamond of the Day, Gen, Gwen is in it now bc she is great and cares a lot abt Merlin and is both their friend, I love their relationship it's the best and i will write about it myself if no one else will, Missing Scene, back on my adopted father-son hurt/comfort stuff woo, but there are still more ideas, everyone beginning with G is great, the words get less as it goes on, this has turned into also other ppl caring bc Merlin deserves it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:41:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 20,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24373708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RayneSummer/pseuds/RayneSummer
Summary: Whatever state you are in, however you manage to return... just come back home.( orEpisode tags for Gaius taking care of Merlin. )
Relationships: Gaius & Merlin (Merlin), Gwaine & Merlin (Merlin), Gwen & Merlin (Merlin)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 121





	1. 1.05 - Lancelot

**Author's Note:**

> Episode Tag:  
> Series 1, Episode 5 - Lancelot

After Merlin left, Gaius and Gwen shared a worried glance, the girl hesitating. “I’d better go,” she ventured, and headed for the door after Merlin. She paused after opening the exit and looked back, biting her lip. “Let me know if- when, they come back,” she added, fear in her eyes despite the verbal correction.

Gaius just nodded, as afraid as Gwen but hiding it slightly better after countless years of carefully closed emotion.

Gwen left in a flurry of skirts, hurrying away to distract herself.

Silently, Gaius did the same. He picked up the blunt dagger Merlin had left on the floor, and placed it on the table beside the informational books, glancing over them again despite knowing there was nothing important they’d missed.

He busied himself with clearing up, walking around and putting a few things away, then settled on drying up, towel in his hands forgotten every now and again as he looked out the window and hoped, as he had since the boy had tumbled into his life, that Merlin would return, alive. Everything else could be dealt with.

* * *

The door opened and Gaius turned around. Merlin walked in, looking tired but seemingly unharmed.

“You did it?”

A relieved smile spread across his face. “I did it!”

Gaius smiled in return, the tension of waiting draining away, replaced by a similar relief. He instinctively stepped towards the boy, gathering him in a hug, the last of the fear retreating for a moment.

But after a moment Gaius remembered his job – not only as protector but also as physician. He pulled back, taking Merlin by the shoulders and given him a visual once-over, asking firmly, “Are you hurt?”

Merlin shook his head, a slight smile still on his face. “No,” he breathed, eyes flicking over the room as if to ground himself after the frantic way he had left.

“And no one saw you?” Gaius continued, just as strict, still holding the boy still, determined to ensure his safety before letting him go.

He shook his head again, meeting his mentor’s eyes to convey that he was telling the truth. Gaius took a breath and nodded, this time allowing the last of the fear to leave, letting Merlin go after a pat on the shoulder.

Merlin twitched another smile, touched ever since Gaius had stated that he ‘was the only thing he cared about in all this world’ and noting the clear concern his return had caused.

Then he remembered and turned back to the door, holding up a hand before Gaius could ask. “I’ve got to go and see what’s happening,” he said quickly, not speaking the knight’s name just in case, but needing to know what would now become of Lancelot.

Gaius just gave a nod as Merlin glanced back at him with a reassuring look, and hurried back out.

The older man sighed and walked to a table to finish the drying he’d been distracting himself with. Allowing the relief at having his boy back – again, this time – to briefly ease the constant fear that had settled since Merlin had arrived into a place that would kill him in a second.

Fear that meant he cared, too much. Something he hadn’t felt for years.


	2. 2.05 - Beauty and The Beast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Episode tag to 2x05 near the end / 2x06

The nobles gave the filthy servant at the door a disapproving look at they passed him, but Merlin ignored them and waiting for Gaius to approach, not even trying to change his disbelieving expression despite the fact that Catrina was practically glaring at him from the other end of the room.

Gaius took Merlin’s arm to steer him away from the hall and its event, hurrying them along a corridor to head back to their chambers.

“Where were you?” Gaius murmured as they passed a guard, then, glancing at his ward, asked with more concern, “Are you alright?”

Merlin’s jacket and clothes were brushed in dust, he looked as though he’d been up all night, and had a sheen of sweat on his face that was even paler than usual.

He didn’t reply, still looking distressed that he hadn’t managed to stop the wedding and they now faced a serious future where their queen was a troll. It would be more amusing if it wasn’t so serious. And this was no doubt only the first of the false Catrina’s plans.

Gaius quickly directed them up the stairs and into the main chamber, pushing Merlin lightly down to sit on a bench and looking him over with worry. “What happened?” He asked, and instinctively ran a hand over the back of the boy’s head, making him flinch. “Are you hurt?”

Merlin shook his head minutely and took a deep breath before looking up at Gaius, expression unusually vulnerable.

“What do we do now?” He asked hoarsely. Gaius frowned.

“We will talk about it when you’ve had some rest and told me where you were all night. Did they do something to you?”

Merlin grimaced and seemed to realise his state, reaching a hand to half-heartedly brush some dust from his jacket. Stopping when Gaius gave a tut and gestured for him to take the jacket off, helping a little when Merlin struggled to shrug it off stiff shoulders from pacing and standing around all night.

He sighed. “Arthur didn’t believe me, Jonas pretended to be a victim and told me to go down to where she sleeps, and she immediately collapsed in the entrance so I couldn’t escape.”

Gaius nodded absently, giving Merlin’s jacket a brief brush down before laying it on the table and turning back to the boy himself.

“I spent the night there, trying to blast the stones in with a spell,” he continued, a bitter note of disappointment at his own abilities in his tone that made Gaius frown. The boy constantly spoke as if not being able to do something new immediately wasn’t good enough. “When I finally managed it by morning and ran to the hall, Jonas showed up and wouldn’t let me pass.”

“Mm.” Gaius returned to his examination, checking the back of the boy’s head that he’d flinched at before, parting the hair to check there was no blood accompanying the small bump. “And there was a fight?” He prompted.

Merlin sighed. “Well, he threw me to the floor and when he dragged me up I kicked him away and might have hit the wall behind me,” he muttered, vaguely gesturing to the back of his head with a hand where Gaius was already looking.

Gaius just nodded and smoothed the boy’s hair back down, satisfied he hadn’t hit his head too hard.

He patted Merlin’s shoulder, prompting the boy to look up, still looking a little lost. Gaius gave him a kind smile that was hopefully reassuring.

“Go on and get changed into something that isn’t covered in dust,” he said gently, dropping his hand from the boy’s shoulder so he could rise. “Then get some rest.”

Merlin blinked, realising his tiredness now it was safe, or safer than being trapped in an underground chamber with only a torch to see through the darkness. The dust and smoke can’t have been that good for the lungs, he thought absently.

Gaius was ahead of him, of course. “Let me know if you start coughing,” he said seriously as Merlin rose, only a little unsteady after the past few hours. “Or if the pain is bad. I’ll give you something for it.”

Merlin nodded, giving his mentor a small smile to show he was alright before tiredly walking to his room, starting to look forward to a short rest before going back to the problem at hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These aren't in any sort of order (or I would just do every heckin episode from start to finish ha) just the ones that I watch and then feel ready to write about.


	3. 4.04 - Aithusa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting knocked out then thoroughly reprimanded isn't the best of mornings.

Merlin just stood there in silence after the reprimand, unwilling to defend himself because, as ever, Gaius was right. 

Now the shock of returning the keys to Arthur and joining the prince in the vault to see what had happened - and pretending he didn't already know - had worn off slightly, his head seemed all too willing to remind him of where he had spent the night.

He walked sullenly towards him room to preferably slink in the shadows and lick his wounds, reaching out to rub at the back of his neck where Borden had struck him with a wince.

In all honesty, he felt like a child. Admittedly, he had acted a little like one and in response, Gaius had scolded him like one. It felt similar to that time he had used magic and ended up dealing with a witchfinder. The need to do a little something, even as harmless as a figure in smoke, had ended up putting them all in danger - but especially Gaius, who took the fall for both him and, in some ways, for Morgana as well.

Merlin sighed, sitting on his bed and bowing his aching head. He knew now he had acted rashly, not listened, and it may yet lead to the dragon egg being destroyed before if could even live.

Kilgharrah had seemed the most alive he had ever seen the great dragon, news that one was not the last of their species as everyone believed was incredible, and now Merlin may have doomed him again to live a solitary life alone.

The door clicked and Merlin blinked up at Gaius, knowing he looked miserable and properly chastened, but too aching and tired to try to change it.

Gaius frowned at him. "What's wrong?" Clearly he was referring to something other than the current situation Merlin had caused. The frown deepened when Merlin shrugged. "He didn't hurt you, did he?" Gaius asked rather sharply.

Damn. It tended to be difficult to hide pain and injuries when you lived with the court physician.

Merlin looked away, unwilling to have someone concerned about him when this was all his fault. "Not really, just knocked me out and left me at the door all night," he muttered anyway, allowing a little bitterness in his tone. He hadn't completely trusted the man, but it stung a little all the same. "Lucky I woke up and locked the door and got the key back to Arthur in time."

There was immediately a hand in his hair, carefully feeling for any injury, and Merlin physically flinched away, dislodging it.

"I'm fine, Gaius," he sighed, but was stopped from moving by a hand on his shoulder, forcing him to look up.

"I'll be the judge of that. Hold still." Gaius said firmly, keeping the hand on his shoulder while the other went back to checking for injury. "Where did he get you?" He asked, softer.

Merlin swallowed. He still felt guilty and being actually looked after was not helping that feeling. But the pounding headache did hurt, and he was meant to be going out with the knights in a short while, so the sooner he told the truth, the sooner he could go. 

He gestured vaguely. "Back of the neck."

Gaius turned his attention to the area in question, gently probing as Merlin winced. After a moment, he withdrew, regarding the boy who now looked thoroughly like a scolded child. "Anywhere else?" He said, the stern tone warning against lying. Merlin shook his head minutely trying not to make it hurt more, and Gaius gazed at him for a moment before nodding, accepting that as the truth.

"I'll get you something for the pain," he said quietly. Merlin nodded, feeling rather numb. "Then you should get ready. No doubt it'll be a long journey."

Merlin nodded again, determinedly looking at the floor, unwilling to see the disappointment and anger in his mentor's stare as when he was shouting at him. He waited a moment, thinking Gaius had left, before letting out a sigh and reaching a hand to rub at his sore neck again.

It hurt, but not as much as the thought that he could have doomed the last dragon egg because he didn't think for a minute.

"Merlin."

The softness of the call made him look up to find Gaius hadn't left, but was standing there looking at him with a fond look. 

"You can act rashly, but I believe you learn your lessons." He paused with a slight smile. "And pain isn't one of them. I would appreciate it if you told me if you are hurt, whatever you've done."

Merlin stared at him for a moment, and twitched a smile. "Right. Thanks, Gaius."

The old physician nodded and patted his ward's shoulder before leaving to get that pain potion, hoping that when Merlin left, he would come back again.


	4. 3.10 - Queen of Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being that close to the pyre had to haunt him eventually.

"You have been found guilty of using magic and enchantments. In accordance with our laws, you will be burnt at the stake."

Merlin could see the pyre in front of him as he was led towards it by the guards, more of them surrounding the wood. Guards were everywhere. There was no escape. He would be burned, would die in agony. He remembered seeing a fatal burn once. The man had screamed and screamed as the fire on his arm was put out but when the smoke cleared, he had stopped and was suddenly dead, from shock and injury. The angry red flesh where the fire had been consumed his limb, making it grotesque and swollen. The man had a pained expression on his face even in death, eyes staring straight up sightlessly.

That was what awaited him and he could not bare it. He started to backtrack, ignoring the strong push of the guards behind him who forced him forward all the more, but he fought back, struggled, started to yell, hoping, praying, something would happen, he would not have to burn... all he had ever done was keep Arthur safe, this was not his fault...

The fire burned and burned and Merlin started sobbing like he was a child again, recoiling from the thick black smoke that started to invade his lungs, making his gasp and his eyes water more...

"STOP!" Merlin shot up in bed with the yell, breathing heavily as he tried to remember where he was, blinking tears from his eyes.

Safe, in bed, in his room, in Gaius' chambers. It was dark outside. The threat had passed. It was all behind them now, there was no need to dwell on it. And he hadn't, not consciously. Since returning from the horses, he had washed and eaten and got ready for bed. The same as every evening. Gaius had looked at him a few times during dinner but didn't comment on his slightly unusual quietness. After all, the spell itself had been exhausting, and Merlin admitted as much with a sheepish grin, to which Gaius had looked him over and told him to go to bed. Tired, Merlin had been happy to listen for once.

He didn't know how long ago that had been. He drew his legs up to his chest, ignoring the blanket falling, and tried desperately to steady his breathing and stop tears spilling.

It was just a dream, he reminded himself. Just a dream. Nothing had happened. He looked around to ground himself again and caught sight of the usual candle on his bedside, but out of the corner of his eye it looked like a huge fire, and he yelped in alarm, pushing himself back and consequently falling off the bed with a thump.

It helped a little though, bringing him fully back to awareness. He got up slowly to sit on the edge of the bed, back to the candle, and raised a sleeve of his white sleepshirt to rub briskly against his face with a sniff.

Before he could try to think about settling down again, there was a knock at the door. "Merlin?" A quiet voice asked in concern.

Merlin took a breath and cleared his throat. "Yes?" He replied as steadily as he could.

There was a pause then Gaius opened the door, obviously not willing to have a conversation with wood inbetween the two. He took in Merlin sitting on the edge of the bed, deliberately looking away from him, and sighed with sadness. 

"It's alright," he said quietly, approaching to sit next to the boy on the bed. "You can only avoid it so much."

Merlin shook his head. "I know, it's fine, nothing happened," he replied bluntly, but closed his eyes. The dream burnt at the back of his eyelids and he opened them again, still avoiding his mentor's understanding gaze.

After all, Gaius himself had been through the same thing, last year during the whole business with the witchfinder Aredian. And he had frankly come closer to burning than Merlin recently had, having been even tied to the pyre that was seconds away from being lit before Arthur had spoken up. That itself had given Merlin nightmares for weeks, the fear of losing the person closest to him, but he had stayed silent about it, knowing that it must have been worse for the man that had been subjected to it.

This time apparently he couldn't be so quiet about it, though not for lack of trying. 

He sighed and dug the heels of his palms into his eyes briefly, as if trying to grind the memories of the past two days from his mind. It was bad enough than Gwen had been blamed for sorcery - though this time Merlin hadn't anything to do with it - but the pain Arthur had gone through this time was clear.

And if almost getting burned without betraying Arthur's trust directly by revealing his secret in order to save them both, so be it.

"It's natural to be afraid," Gaius continued in a soft voice. Merlin just nodded numbly. Oh, he knew. He had been afraid of the pyre the second he'd set foot in this dangerous city. And every subsequent step since that which could have led to execution.

They sat there in silence for a while, the sheer presence of one another enough to be content, despite the constant threats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is awful but it's been in my drafts for days and I just wanted it done so


	5. 1.04 - The Poisoned Chalice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh yes. here we go. the Best of all.

"Uh, what happened? The last thing I remember was drinking the wine..."

Merlin looked between Gaius and Gwen with a bemused expression. He could make the sensible conclusion that the drink was indeed poisoned, but thankfully his body no longer felt like there was a raging fire within it - although he did feel weak and very thirsty. Supposedly the amount of sweat he could feel soaking his skin accredited to that. He wasn't sure how long he had been here for, but by the relief on his friends' faces it must have been a close thing. Come to think of it, how did he get the antidote? Assuming that was what had cured him, of course.

Gwen answered the obvious. "You were right, it was certainly poisoned," she said, with a little humour to lighten the situation. Merlin half rolled his eyes and nodded, and tried to sit up more but was stopped by Gaius' hand on his shoulder.

"Not yet," Gaius said firmly, lightly pushing him back to lay against the pillows. "Lie back for a moment. The poison is still in your system and we don't want you falling to the floor again." Merlin obeyed, since his arms were already shaking and he wasn't sure he even wanted to get up other than to help wipe the lingering fear on the other two's expressions. 

He swallowed and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to remember, well, anything. But only the feeling of fire came up and he shivered a little at thinking about it. He had never been in so much pain the moment before he had blacked out, and it had continued raging even while he was unaware.

"Merlin?" At Gwen's worried voice he opened his eyes again and tried to give her a reassuring smile but it did little to wipe the worry off her face. She glanced nervously at Gaius who was studying him with a frown. "Will he be alright?" She asked quietly.

Gaius nodded slowly. "Hopefully," he replied, then addressed Merlin, who was still trying to orient himself as to what exactly had happened and how he felt now. "Don't move too much. I'll get you some water and then we'll take a look at you."

Merlin nodded, rather relieved he didn't have to do anything. Gaius looked at him for a moment longer before leaving his line of sight and Gwen watched the physician go and then took a seat at Merlin's bedside in a chair. He now noticed there was a stool and a chair at the side of the bed, and another the other side. Had they been here this whole time?

She smiled warmly at him as he blinked up at her before concern crossed her face.

"Um, sorry about kissing you." She bit her lip, looking worried. "I was just... we thought you were dead," she repeated what she said before, "And I was a little... overwhelmed." She made a face as if that wasn't a proper excuse. "But I'm very glad you're not!"

Merlin grinned weakly. "Thanks." Making her laugh a little at his usual bluntness.

Gaius arrived back, and carefully handed him a goblet of water that he took with a muttered thanks and tried to sip from without spilling. It felt very good on his dry throat, though it hurt a little to swallow. He supposed drinking poisoned wine would burn a little.

"Better?" Gwen asked hopefully as Gaius took a seat on the other side of the bed. Merlin nodded, feeling the strength slowly return to his body as it began to rehydrate. She gave a relieved sigh, nodding. "Good," She breathed, and Merlin frowned a little. How bad had it been?

The question felt almost a little awkward to ask since they were both clearly on edge, so Merlin stayed quiet on that subject for the moment, instead opting for, "I assume after all this, Arthur is fine?" With a little humour to undercut the question.

He felt Gaius take his wrist on the other side but was distracted by Gwen's hesitance. 

"He is. But he's, ah. In the dungeons," she admitted.

"What?!"

Merlin almost tried to sit up at that, paused by Gaius' other hand firmly on his shoulder without letting go of his wrist. He obediently stilled but frowned at Gwen, who was looking uncomfortable, as if she didn't know how much she personally should say.

"He went to get you the antidote despite his father's orders, so..." She trailed off but Merlin could fill in the blanks. After all, Uther had forced him to drink the wine in the first place. It wasn't far to realise that he would throw his own son in the dungeon for disobeying him. But, king or not, that was a little ridiculous. And a little touching. Not only had Arthur got the antidote, he had also faced his father's wrath in doing so.

His thoughts were interrupted by a hand on his forehead that tightened slightly when he tried to move. "Hold still," Gaius said sternly, a note of something Merlin couldn't quite decipher in his voice that stilled him more than the contact. It sounded like more than fear and Merlin had never heard such a tone from the man before. 

Then the hand was removed and Merlin could see Gwen looking at the physician nervously. "Well?"

"His pulse is strong and the fever has practically vanished," Gaius said, sounding more than relieved. He looked down at Merlin with a fond expression and there were almost tears in his eyes. Merlin blinked, almost startled at the show of affection. He knew the man cared but no one apart from his mother had looked at him like he was the most important thing in their life. His feelings about others weren't usually reprecipitated with such intensity and he was used to that, so it was a surprise to see someone else caring as much as he cared for them.

He opened his mouth to speak up about, well, something, but Gaius shushed him, expression turning stern. "But you are still weak and dehydrated, and you need to give your body time to recover." He gestured to the goblet Merlin was still holding. "Drink all of that while I get you something to help your strength." He gave his ward a pointed look until Merlin obediently put the drink back to his lips, then nodded and got up to find whatever probably foul concoction he wanted him to take.

The warlock took another sip, struggling not to spill the water from his position, and Gwen leaned forward, putting her hand over his to hold the goblet steady.

"Here, let me," she said gently.

Merlin spluttered, feeling a blush run to his face. "N-no, it's fine."

"Please."

Her expression was vulnerable and Merlin could guess she had been here most of the time that he was ill, and wondered what she had seen exactly. It felt a little embarrassing, but in the hope that it might make her feel a little better, Merlin let her help tip the cup so he could sip it without danger of spilling.

After a moment, she started chatting, filling the silence other than the tinkling of glass from whatever Gaius was doing.

"Arthur was really worried, you know, I've _never_ seen him like that." She sounded almost impressed, which was somewhat amusing. Merlin smiled a little. It was nice to know that all the time attending the prince did make an impact, although he'd rather it not have to be proved like this. "When I went to get the flower, he looked devastated."

"What flower?" Merlin frowned at her over the cup.

"Oh, the poison was the... what was it?" She called across the room.

Gaius paused for a moment. "A petal from the morteaus," he said grimly.

Gwen nodded. "Right, this morteaus flower." She offered him the water again before carrying on. "It only grows in these caves a few hours' ride away. Arthur had to go there to get it because that was the only antidote," she explained.

Merlin frowned as he finished the liquid and Gwen took possession of the goblet. "Caves...?" He murmured, feeling as though he should know something about that, but it slipped away before he could form any kind of idea. 

"Yes, caves." Gaius had appeared at Gwen's shoulder and was giving him an extremely odd look.

Gwen, briefly getting up to put the goblet on a table, continued. "Then from what I gather, the king arrested him on return." She sighed, returning to her seat as Merlin glanced back at her. "You were... well, dying, even more so than before, so I snuck into the dungeons pretending to serve food and Arthur slipped it onto the plate." She looked pleased with herself at that and Merlin gave her a smile. It sounded clever. "Gaius said it might not work without magic, since the poison was apparently made with magic, but obviously we couldn't do anything about that so we could only try, and thankfully it did work."

"Hm. Really." Merlin took the information in and narrowed his eyes at his mentor behind the girl, giving him an equally strange look. Gaius raised an eyebrow.

"I hope Uther doesn't really keep him in there for long," Gwen mused, not aware of the staring match that was going on in front and behind of her. She grimaced, thinking of Arthur in the dungeons, then looked back at Merlin, blinking at his strange expression. She frowned and followed his gaze to the physician behind her, who immediately broke off the staring to address her instead, holding out a small potion.

"Here; help him sit up just a little and take this. All of it," he added pointedly with another look at the boy.

Merlin frowned. "I'm right here," he muttered as Gwen went to take an arm and help him manoeuvre - which admittedly was helpful since he was still feeling annoyingly weak.

"I know, and so is Gwen," Gaius replied mildly, but gave him a smile. "So she may as well help."

The girl in question nodded in agreement as she focussed on pulling Merlin up a little, rearranging the pillows slightly to better support him and raise him higher, and just as carefully helped him sit back. Gaius retrieved the blanket he had removed earlier when the boy's breathing had become so shallow that the cover hid the slight rise and fall of his chest and the fever so strong that sweat stuck to his pale skin and soaked anything in contact with it. 

He gently set the blanket back over Merlin now, content that it wouldn't hide signs of life any more, and passed the other end to Gwen, who tucked it in with care. She went as far as to brush some hair from her friend's forehead as an excuse to test his temperature herself. Satisfied, she sat back and smiled a little at his slight blush.

"Thanks," he murmured, staring at her. She nodded in response and turned to take a cloth that was on the edge of the water bowl beside the bed. She dipped it slightly in the water and wrung it out before offering it to Merlin. He frowned at her. "What...?"

"Wipe your face. It'll make you feel better," she suggested, then, instead of waiting for him to take it, leant forward again to rub the cloth over his head herself. "Here."

Merlin spluttered and reached out to take the cloth from her, hopefully without hurting her feelings. Being looked after just did not come naturally to him, and it felt rather strange to be so. Clearly whatever state he had been in had led Gwen to be sure in her care, otherwise he considered she would feel a little awkward as well.

Gaius smiled at the two friends, feeling relief that they could continue to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk what endings are also I didn't rlly want to stop but its 1am bc apparently I can only write at midnight.  
> for some reason this episode and also 5.08 compel me to write entire chapters of everything that happens between the scenes, and maybe I will and I'll put this in a different story if so but it's here for now.  
> I am ridiculously obsessed with this episode and i'm not particularly sorry for that


	6. 3.04 - Gwaine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Those swords were extremely sharp and Gwaine has some concerns.

Merlin hurried out of the knights' chambers and quickly dropped the plates into the kitchen before heading straight back to Gwaine and Gaius, knowing he needed to immediately warn at least someone - it was likely he'd need proof before alerting Arthur, despite wanting to - about what was happening.

He wrapped his bleeding finger in his other hand, wincing. It hurt quite a lot really, for just being a cut finger. He wasn't that bothered about having it treated - though likely Gaius, and even Gwaine, who seemed to be oddly interested in him, would insist - he just needed to tell them what had happened.

But he uncurled his hand to have a quick look as he walked quickly down the halls, and frowned. There was a concerning amount of blood for such a slight injury, which made him just more nervous about what the knights intended with such a blade. If one could slice through skin so easily, he dreaded to think what it could do with some force behind it. Plus, the way they looked incredibly blunt was very off-putting. Blunt weapons were only used for training or... the melee.

Merlin almost sighed to himself as he reached his destination and, realising he didn't have a free hand if he didn't want to stain the wood with blood, shouldered the door open.

He barely had time to look up before Gwaine said, rather too sharply and worried for someone he had just met the day before, "You're bleeding. What the hell happened?"

"Only my finger; I'm fine," Merlin quickly replied, in order to stop any unneeded worry that he was seriously injured. Gaius had immediately stood up with a look on his face that told Merlin he was already thinking the worst, which only relaxed a little at the boy’s reassurance. Which, Merlin supposed, was a little fair, given he was perhaps a bit prone to understating his own health at times. Occasionally.

Fortunately, this legitimately wasn’t one of those times.

“Sit down.” In order to prove he was fine, and knowing better than to argue, Merlin just nodded at Gaius’ stern order and went over to sit on a nearby stool.

If truth be told, he was still a little shocked about what had happened. Of course, he handled swords all the time, and while they were certainly dangerous when used offensively, it wasn’t every day that a single slip sliced open skin.

Gwaine didn’t look entirely convinced, and watched critically as Gaius took a seat directly in front of Merlin and the boy held out the injury without prompting, knowing it was easier to get it over with.

“It just caught my finger, it’s fine,” he tried to repeat, but Gaius ignored him, using a cloth to wipe the blood away before looking critically at the wound. Merlin sat in obedient, if slightly impatient, silence, noticing Gwaine beginning to pace out of the corner of his eye.

After a moment, Gaius glanced up at him with a frown and cut Merlin off before he could say again that it was fine.

“You’re fortunate it was just your finger; this is very deep,” he said, brow furrowed in concern as Merlin blinked, surprised. “Where on earth did you get it?”

Merlin grimaced. “Swords in Sir Oswald’s room,” he muttered. Gaius regarded him for a moment more then handed him the damp cloth before rising.

“Clean the blood off,” he instructed, and Merlin nodded, wincing as he wiped the cloth over the wound – only for it to start beading red again. The cut was longer than he thought and did look quite deep, and Merlin considered slightly nervously that he was fortunate his clumsiness hadn’t pointed the sword somewhere else and hurt him further.

He rubbed it over his other hand instead, thankful that the blood where he’d clutched his finger in his fist was still wet enough to scrub off fairly easily, quickly disappearing the stains.

Gaius returned with a bandage and Merlin put the reddened cloth on the table behind him, sticking out his finger without prompt when he turned back around.

“I was putting their armour away and these swords were wrapped in a cloth on the table,” he explained further as Gaius started carefully wrapping his finger, going over a strip again when red filtered through. The cut was still stinging quite a bit, but Merlin ignored it in favour of filling them in. “I picked them up and one slipped.”

Gwaine wandered back towards them to listen closer, frowning at the description of the situation.

The shock had practically worn off now, and his stupid finger would be fine, so Merlin wanted to hurry along the process of informing the two and go and do something about it.

“To the eye the swords appeared blunt, but when I touched them…” Merlin trailed off with a pointed nod at the injury Gaius was bandaging when he glanced up. 

Stopping a few steps away from them, Gwaine frowned at where the injury had disappeared under its protective wrapping, feeling unnerved by what could have happened as well as what had. “You were lucky,” he said, ignoring how relieved he actually felt that it hadn’t been worse.

This boy was all smiles and good intentions and Gwaine felt a fierce rush of protectiveness towards him when he’d walked in with bloodstains. That wasn’t something that should ever be stained on men like Merlin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we will never know what endings are but at least I finally wrote this episode
> 
> -creys abt Gwaine and Merlin forever tbh-


	7. 4.06 - A Servant of Two Masters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thing about having an ancient creature controlling you is that it forgets what a human needs

"I'm trying to stop you from killing the king!"

Alright. That was slightly concerning. Merlin let out a nervous chuckle, having no idea what Gaius was talking about, or why Gwen was peering at him warily, but sensing that it wasn't good. As he lowered the hand from his lightly aching head, a fierce wave of dizziness made itself known.

"Oh." He quickly put a hand on front of him to stop himself tipping forward and landing back face first on the table at the same time as Gaius started to reach out to steady him. Instead, he gestured for Merlin to sit on the edge of the blanketed table.

"Sit before you collapse," Gaius said in concern, walking around to join Gwen on one side as Merlin grimaced and carefully manouvered his legs out from under him to gingerly sit on the edge of the table, facing the two. He would have made a quip to calm them but his vision was threatening to black out so instead he stared at the floor for a moment and focussed on breathing slowly and not fainting.

Gwen looked at Gaius in worry. "Did I hit him too hard?"

That was also a slightly odd thing to say, though the back of his head was twinging as though it had been whacked with something - and unfortunately he was much too familiar with the sensation of waking up after a blow to the head. Nevertheless, Gwen certainly wouldn't have hit him unless it was imperative to the situation, so he glanced up to give her a reassuring smile. "It's fine," he breathed, gesturing to his mind to indicate the lightheadedness. "'M just dizzy."

"More likely from not being allowed to tend to basic necessities," Gaius decided, watching Merlin closely who frowned at him.

"What?"

"I haven't seen you eat in the past two days, at any rate." The concern in the physician's expression deepened as he gave his ward a visual check over. The boy certainly seemed himself again, if a little weak. "Are you in any pain?" He asked cautiously.

Merlin thought about it for a moment, but other than the fuzziness in his mind, nothing really hurt. He shook his head, making a face when the gesture ratcheted up the dizziness.

"Hm." Gaius studied him for a moment longer, then reached out to lightly put a hand against his forehead, ignoring the flinch back at the contact. It didn't take a second to confirm that there wasn't any untoward temperature. "Well, other than that, you seem alright," he mused as he withdrew the hand to take a wrist instead.

Merlin, knowing it was best to just obediently deal with the ministrations, and growing more confused by the moment, looked at Gwen instead. "Uh, hello."

She gave him a small smile. "Hello."

"What... happened?"

She grimaced and glanced at Gaius for guidance as he finished checking Merlin, letting go and patting his hand before stepping back. "Well, first you need to eat something." He turned to Gwen. "Could you help him over to the table, just in case."

He crossed the room after she nodded and turned her full attention on Merlin who frowned at Gaius' retreating form then back at her. When no easy answer was forthcoming, he sighed and carefully slipped off the table onto his feet, not ready for the room to spin.

"Whoa," he breathed, and closed his eyes for a second. He felt Gwen take his arm and immediately opened his eyes to give her a smile. "Just lightheaded," he explained in a reassuring way, hopefully.

It didn't really lessen the concern in her expression, but she smiled back again, though it was a little worried, and walked him over to the table he and Gaius usually ate at, lightly pushing him to sit down before patting his shoulder and glancing out the nearby window.

"You haven't been exactly you for the last couple of days," she said absently, then glanced at Gaius before looking back to Merlin. "Gaius can tell you the rest. I've actually got to go, but I'll be back later," she promised, and Gaius gave her a nod from over by the cooking area.

"He'll be fine," he reassured. She nodded. "Thank you, Gwen."

With a reassuring glance back at Merlin, she hurried out the door.

Merlin turned his bemused expression onto his mentor. "What on earth happened?" He asked, letting a bit of frustration bleed into his tone. Obviously it wasn't any of their fault, but having no memory of apparently days was rather unnerving. Not to mention when he really thought about it, the last clear memory was of Morgana in her dilapidated hut place. Which wasn't a reassuring thing to be aware of.

Gaius left the brazier for a moment to pick up a book on the table beside him and brought it over to put it down, open on a certain page, into front of Merlin. "Here." He tapped the disturbing picture on the page, of a snake looking multi headed monster thing. "It seems you were being possessed by a Formorrah. That's why you were trying to kill Arthur." He paused, and noticing Merlin about to ask, added, "But you didn't manage to touch him."

Merlin nodded slowly, and peered at the book as Gaius walked back over to retrieve some food. "Must've been Morgana," he muttered, more to himself, remembering the hut.

Returning to the table with berries and bread, Gaius took the seat opposite Merlin and put a wooden plate in front of him. "Here. Eat something before you go anywhere. Then we can do something about this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we will NEVER know what endings are, even in between scenes
> 
> this one's alright I think  
> anyway if anyone has a missing scene they'd like me to do, let me know the episode and it might take my fancy!


	8. 4.01 - The Darkest Hour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the fall

At first, when Merlin fell, Gaius wasn't overly afraid. 

The boy worked himself hard at the best of times, and now, with this feast they'd been preparing for days or even weeks, and Arthur taking on more and more responsibilities from his unfit to rule father, which meant Merlin in turn had to take on more work to keep up with the prince. Arthur also used Merlin to help, or even completely, write speeches and the like - it was probable that tonight's Samhain words had comes from the servant's hand rather than the prince's.

So, all in all, it wasn't that surprising if the boy was exhausted. Although undoubtedly collapsing on a cold stone floor was not ideal, it wasn't the worst of situations. There was unlikely any poison involved, for one, since Merlin had been serving and not drinking. So that was reassuring

Alarmed but not supremely worried, Gaius quickly but calmly put his cup down and stepped out from his chair, walking swiftly to Merlin's side. Lancelot was already there, having rushed over in not quite such a controlled manner. He looked up as Gaius crouched beside the boy, a concerned frown already forming on his face at the knight's frankly almost terrified expression.

He barely had to touch Merlin's skin to feel the unnatural coldness. And that was when the fear started.

Gaius quickly touched the back of his fingers to Merlin's forehead anyway, confirming the sheer frozen nature of him. He felt like a corpse, but his skin wasn't frozen hard; it yielded to slight pressure. Like someone newly dead, whose body had cooled after the life left, but not yet hardened into rigour mortis. And Gaius had seen that event, many times.

Now he was afraid. Mind racing, he focused on Merin's pale face, trembling lips almost tinged blue with ice, as he gently took the boy's wrist to calm himself, first and formost, that this wasn't a corpse like it appeared. Thankfully, though a little faint, his pulse was steady, and Gaius breathed out as he rubbed his thumb over the back of Merlin's hand and just as gently placed it down before looking up at Lancelot, who was alternating between staring form Gaius to Merlin, eyes wide, waiting for instruction.

"We need to take him to his room," Gaius said quietly, and Lancelot nodded, immediately hoisting Merlin in his arms and hurrying out the room by a side door. Gaius paused long enough to straighten and glance at Arthur with what he hoped wasn't too worried of an expression. The prince looked a cross between slightly irritated and mildly concerned, possibly having the same initial idea of simple exhaustion as the physician had. Gaius gave him a short nod to indicate that Merlin would be taken care of, then quickly followed in Lancelot's footsteps.

* * *

They didn't speak as they walked, both men concerned about the state of their close... Friend? Brother? Son? The latter for Gaius, certainly. He had long since thought that, since this boy came literally tumbling into his life and changed it from quiet to alive, moreso than it had been in years. Despite all the trouble that came with harbouring a warlock in a place that would kill him in a second, Gaius knew that he wouldn't trade it for the world.

They reached the court physician chambers and Lancelot walked straight through the main room, heading for Merlin's. Gaius joined him on the other side of the bed as Lancelot gently lay the boy down, reaching out to carefully support his head to the pillow. Then, finally, the silence broke.

"What happened?" Lancelot asked the question that had been plauging him since Merlin had gone down. He was of course, the only other one who knew about the magic, so unlike the knights, had assumed this was more dangerous than simple exhaustion.

Gaius ghosted his fingers over Merlin's hand that laid across his chest. The shivering was more pronounced now he was still; they could hear the tremble as the warlock exhaled through pale lips.

"I don't know."

Honesty wasnt always used when it came to Merlin, in truth, but this time Gaius felt lost and after all, there was little that needed to be hidden from the loyal knight that knew.

Lancelot wasnt particularly fond of that answer, and he eyed Merlin with mounting concern before looking back up at the physician. "Will he be alright?"

The older man didn't reply in such a way. Finally glancing up from studying his ward's face, he instead said, "I'll need hawthorn to improve the blood flow. And blankets." Already moving, Lancelot paused at the door to Merlin's room for Gaius to add, with an unnatural for him sense of urgency, "Lots of blankets."

With the knight gone, Gaius turned his full attention back on his ward. He put a hand on the boy's forehead, his own creased in worry. It seemed like Merlin was in deep unconsciousness, judging by the lack of movement beneath eyelids, and that he did not stir while being carried, but rousing him was worth a try.

"Merlin?" Gaius moved his hand to the boy's cold cheek in an attempt to get him to focus. "Merlin, can you hear me? Merlin?"

There was no reaction but the physician had not expected one. Nevertheless, he drew back in slight defeat at the same time as Lancelor appeared in the room again, arms laden with several blankets.

"This was all I could find," he said, slightly breathless from rushing around. Gaius nodded his thanks and took one the blankets from the knight's arms, shaking it out and quickly placing it over Merlin before pausing.

"Wait. We should make him more comfortable. There's no telling when he'll come round." 

Lancelot hastily dropped the blankets at the end of the bed as Gaius pulled back the one he'd already spread. Together they carefully worked Merlin's arms out of his jacket and Gaius gently untied the boy's neckerchief, putting the garments to one side. Knowing that would briefly make him colder, Gaius quickly covered him with the settled blanket again before gesturing for Lancelot to retrieve the others.

They put the blankets over Merlin's prone form up to his chin, Gaius tenderly tucking them in to provide maximum warmth. Once that was done, he looked up at the knight.

"Did you find the hawthorn?" It didn't appear to be in his grasp but it was worth asking.

Lancelot shook his head, looking almost devastated he had let down his friend. "I don't know where it is," he muttered, meeting Gaius' eyes with an apology.

The physician straightened up from leaning over the bed, somewhat glad to be needing to do something other than watching Merlin shiver and wonder how serious the situation actually was.

"It's alright; I'll fetch it." He gave Lancelot a quick pat on the arm before heading to the main chamber, because the knight looked as though not finding the medicine would single handedly cause Merlin's death and it would all be his fault. Which wasn't the case, either of the points.

A little calmer surrounded by the familiar workshop, Gaius quickly located the hawthorn he was looking for - a small bottle of a tincture from the leaves. This specific solution had been thicken and was designed to be absorbed through tissue. It would be easier than making up a pot of tea with the hawthorn and trying to make Merlin drink it, especially since it did not look like the warlock would rouse for such a thing.

Returning to his ward's bedside, Gaius absently shook the bottle to loosen the mixture slightly before opening it and taking some out with the applicator he had picked up. Lancelot watched, a little bemused, as he carefully slipped the applicator into Merlin's mouth to paint the tincture on his tongue where it could be absorbed, briefly explaining as much to the knight while doing said treatment.

After a couple of applications, Gaius replaced the lid of the bottle and leaned back slightly, waiting for see if Merlin would react at all in his current state.

The two of them watched with apprehension, but after a minute it was clear nothing would happen. Gaius put the medicine on the bedside table and reached out to gently take the boy's thin wrist again, absently rubbing his thumb over the back of Merlin's hand as took his pulse.

Hawthorn was meant to improve blood flow, so Gaius had been hoping it would strengthen the heartbeat and so begin to warm the body up as a result.

He focused on Merlin's face again while he considered the rate. It was slow but steady, and perhaps a little stronger than before. Merlin had also stopped the shivering that trembled his lips when they'd first seen him like this. Little things, but they were reassuring.

Gaius gently placed the boys hand back down atop his chest, above the blankets so he could easily access it to check. Then, after a pause, repositioned the arm under the blankets and ensured they were drawn up under Merlin's chin, keeping as much warmth in as possible. Then, he rested a hand on the boy's forehead, and that was definitely slightly warmer than it had been.

"Well?" Lancelot's voice was quiet, anxious, as Gaius withdrew his hand and gave rhe knight a wane smile. 

"The blankets and hawthorn are doing their job." He sighed in relief, looking back at Merlin with a fond gaze, unnecessarily smoothing down the top blanket. "His pulse and breathing are steady and he is warming up, if quite slowly."

Lancelot nodded, expression clearing just slightly. "What do you think happened?" He asked, troubled.

Gaius motioned for them to leave the room - Merlin was out of danger and now needed to rest, and them constantly talking over him wouldn't help, even if it didn't wake him. Leaving the door open, Gaius led Lancelot into the main chamber before addressing him.

"I'm not sure," he began honestly. "Midnight on samhain is historically important, but..." He trailed off. There wasn't really any way of knowing what exactly had happened. Despite occasional exhaustion, Merlin didn't actually go around passing out at events, or indeed anywhere. Gaius often suspected the boy's magic worked similar to adrenaline sometimes, keeping him on his feet even if he should have rightly collapsed from exherting himself.

"Is it... magical?" Lancelot hesitated, glancing at the closed door to the chambers just in case someone were to hear.

Gaius sighed. "I don't know," he repeated from earlier. "Hopefully Merlin will be able to tell me when he comes round."

Still looking doubtful, the knight nodded and glanced up the steps where the warlock lay silently and still. He was reluctant to leave, but knew that Merlin wasn't in any current danger, and would be fine with Gaius watching over him as always. He should be more fine than usual, given his guardian was also a physician and for once he wasn't hiding an illness or injury like he was wont to do. Out of habit or unwillingness to be paid attention to, who knew, but it was common knowledge. Which thankful meant at least someone noticed when the boy wasn't quite himself.

"Should I talk to Arthur?" Lancelot was nothing if not loyal, to prince as well as servant, but he thought he should ask in case he was advised otherwise. Gaius looked undecided 

"If he asks," the older man ventured after a moment, "just let him know Merlin will be fine and will probably show up in the morning. Stubborn boy," he added, quieter, but it was fond.

Lancelot smiled slightly for the first time since the event had started. "Alright." He gave one last glance to his friend's room and nodded to Gaius. "I'll leave you to it then. Let me know if... well, just. Let me know."

If he needs anything. If he gets worse. If he gets better. Lancelot just wanted to know about any change.

Gaius picked up on the knight's worry and gave him a kind smile. "Of course." He called out as Lancelot walked to the door. "Thank you." The knight looked back, questioning. "You're a loyal friend to Merlin. I appreciate it."

No doubt the man was referring to more than carrying the warlock to bed after collapsing. Lancelot just waved, knowing that he was special, to know about Merlin's magic and be able to share in that amazement, and left the two to their home, knowing they were safe.

* * *

It was gone midnight and Gaius knew he should get some sleep. So after another check on Merlin, the physician retired himself to bed.

But as ever, when someone was inherently wrong, sleep would not come. He tossed and turned through the night, so when light filtered through the window, he had managed to get a few hours of rest only.

However, he was accustom to sitting up with patients all night, or being woken by Merlin calling out, in the grips of the nightmare that needed comforting, even if the boy always insisted it was fine after he woke, soaked in sweat, eyes wet with unshed tears and wide as they took in his mentor sitting on the edge of his bed, trying to soothe him.

Gaius sighed. That stubborn boy.

Aware he wouldn't be getting any more sleep with Merlin on his mind, he wearily rose from his bed and immediately went to check on said ward. There had been no physical change, but a quick check over confirmed the treatment had done a hell of a lot of good - Merlin's skin and temperature were far from ice now. It still wasn't completely ideal yet, so Gaius made sure the blankets remained tucked it as he withdrew his hand from the boy's forehead.

Satisfied, Gaius returned to the main chambers and began usual work on any day as the early dawn light slowly lit the room.

And when he heard the soft sound of steps on stairs behind him, he allowed himself a silent sigh of relief before turning to face the slightly shaking warlock wrapped in the thickest blanket, and gently put his hands on the boy's shoulders and guided him over to a bench, sitting him down. And at the look on the young face, Gaius decided ideas like warming or strengthening medicine could wait, and instead sat right next to the boy and asked softly, "what happened?" And waited for him to speak.


	9. 5.12 - The Diamond of the Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being attacked in your own room isn't very nice

Merlin's eyes fluttered closed and Gaius let out a breath. The evening had been shattered in a moment by whatever this... thing was.

He glanced at the black sludge on the bed. It hadn't moved, so hopefully it was dead. Gaius left Merlin, unconscious but breathing steadily, for a moment and removed the _thing_ from the room. He deposited it in the fire in the main chamber, setting the coals briefly alight so the thing would be melted to nothing, and left it to burn with a grimace. They would look up what it was later.

Retreating back to Merlin's room, he checked the boy was in the same state, then quickly left to tend to his own wound. He didn't feel an adverse affect from the hit to the head currently, but no doubt adrenaline was helping that. Nonetheless, Gaius distractedly cleaned the small cut and put the rock that had made it on the table to do something with later perhaps.

That done, he turned his attention back to Merlin.

Gently crouching down next to him, Gaius glanced him over. He didn't seem injured, but whatever the attack was had certainly weakened him, to the point of losing consciousness quite quickly afterwards. There was also the very faint smell of alcohol but that wasn't really a factor here; Merlin had said earlier he might joined the knights in the tavern (for once, as he'd put it) to take their minds off, well, everything. But the boy knew much better than to get too intoxicated. He would be tipsy at best, not nearly enough to cause these symptoms.

So he carefully pulled Merlin up, struggling a little because somehow the gangly boy that had tripped into his chambers years ago had become a man at some point, and set him on his bed, gently laying him down and arranging his body into a comfortable position.

Fetching a bowl of cold water and a cloth - he was a little warm, either from the alcohol or the attack, it was unsure - Gaius pulled up a stool to the bed and settled down to watch over his ward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have ideas but not words idk  
> I start writing and do like 3 good sentences then lose the plot,, but i guess it's better to do an okay paragraph than an awful essay so.


	10. 4.08 - Lamia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has a habit of hiding injuries already, let alone when he doesn't currently trust the company he usually keeps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> doin a flick through of series 4 and although I don't like this episode for obvious reasons, decided to brighten it up a little with my usual hurt comfort work. also Arthur finally gets to be in it. He cares too. I guess ha.

By the second night in the little village, all the knights were up and no worse for wear. They sat around a fire cheerfully chatting, barely remembering much from the past few days. Unfortunately, Merlin - and Gwen - remembered it all. The warlock sat away from the fire and its carefree surroundings, nevertheless keeping an eye, mainly on the king who sat with his subjects, relief clear in the way he talked and laughed with them.

There was no need to tell him, or indeed anyone, the whole story.

Merlin sighed and rose, wincing as the movement was protested by his aching back. As ever, now they were safe, his injuries were very much trying to make themselves know. His back hurt from being thrown against a wall (which was becoming a bit of a habit, annoyingly, though it wasn't Morgana this time), and from the way his chest twinged in tune, he was aware that a rib or two might be bruised. Nothing he couldn't deal with on its own, of course. But his ankle where the lamia had gripped and dragged him was beginning to really be a bother, and his cheek stung from where one of her tentacles, or whatever the hell they could be called, had whipped his face to land him on the floor.

So, all in all, he was a little miserable, although keeping it a secret from the others was easier than ever before, given over half of present company had recently been a threat. And while Merlin didn't bear a grudge, that didn't mean the memories had faded.

He turned to head off to some corner where he could lick his wounds, both physical and emotional, without alerting anyone, but a shout from the fire made him flinch before he firmly reminded himself the voice was not a threat (any more, or indeed had ever really been one. At no point had he been physically scared of being hurt by the knights; his magic was strong and subtle and if they had lay a hand on him, he would have acted in some way - not for his gain, but because he knew they would never forgive themselves if they did manage to do anything to him under Lamia's spell).

"Hey! You going to join us, mate?"

Gwaine's tone was jolly and inviting, and Merlin slowly looked over to where the knight was grinning towards him, sprawled comfortably across the ground near their fire. He managed a smile that he hoped would work in his favour.

"In a moment," he called back, but quieter than Gwaine's voice. That and the subdued tone hopefully wouldn't tip anyone off; Gwaine was loud at the best of times so it wasn't necessary to match his volume or enthusiasm with every reply. And to Merlin's relief, Gwaine nodded, still grinning, and waved him off. But Merlin waited until the knight was chatting animatedly to Percival before moving again.

He limped over to the hut where the patients, everyone recovered now, had been in, and put a hand out to lean against the familiar feel of a village home wall, closing his eyes and letting out a slow breath as he shifted all his weight to his non injured leg.

"Still feeling bad about being saved by a girl, hm?"

Merlin jumped, accidently leaning back on his injured ankle which decided it'd now had enough and would no longer support him, causing him to go down with a grunt of pain to his knees. Or at least he would have, if someone hadn't grabbed his arm and yanked him back up a little unceramoniously.

Without letting go, Arthur held him at arm's length and gave his servant a glance up and down, narrowing his eyes. "Alright, that's not it. What's wrong." It wasn't a question. "You didn't say anything earlier." 

Trying to steady himself, Merlin gave a sheepish smile and shrugged, ignoring his shoulders protesting, hoping his general ineptitude would put the prince off pursuing some line of questioning. Between pain and fear, Merlin was too tired for his friend's demands, good intentions or not, and wasn't even sure if he could come up with a plausible lie. Maybe he could employ Gaius' help to gather a convincing story in the morning if Arthur wasn't done.

Arthur looked like he was trying not to roll his eyes. "Of course, you wouldn't," he muttered, but eyed Merlin again, his gaze unnervingly serious. "You flinched ever so hard when Gwaine called you over, even for you," he said mildly, and Merlin silently cursed Arthur's seeming ability to see everything except magic. Although, that was helpful, but it would be better if he also didn't see little things such as these.

He school his expression into a general unconcerned look. "Just, lost in thought. And Gwaine can be quite loud when you're thinking. I know you don't do that often, so you wouldn't know."

In the dawn light beginning to break, he could see Arthur wasn't impressed, and hoped it was from his attempted jab rather than not believing. After a moment, though, he let his arm go and Merlin did his best not to sway on his feet. Come to think of it, when was the last time he actually slept? Assuming the black spots that darted his vision were from exhaustion, which, well, was quite probable.

Arthur gave him another look then suddenly walked away, leaving a bemused Merlin watching after him.

But the boy wasn't one to question alone time. When the prince was far enough away not to notice, Merlin ducked into the hut. Inside, it was empty but brightly lit, and he blew out a pained breath as he almost dragged himself over to a bed and sat down heavily, closing his eyes. Just a moment to rest, alone and undiscovered, was all he wanted, then he'd get back to it...

Minutes later, the door opened quietly and Arthur raised an unsurprised eyebrow at his servant sitting slumped over on the edge of the closest bed, face creased in pain and an arm protectively around his chest, one foot held out awkwardly, resting on the ground, while the other leg trembled, bouncing slightly up and down, whether in pain or anxiety or as a distraction, Arthur didn't know. He just sighed and stepped back, gesturing for Gaius to enter in front of him. Naturally, that was who he had gone to retrieve as soon as he realise there was something wrong and it was clear Merlin wouldn't straight up tell him. 

"Merlin."

Blinking up, it took the warlock a minute to focus after identifying Gaius' voice and his eyes widened at his mentor looking down at him with a certain prince glaring pointedly from behind the man. He tried to straighten up but couldn't help a wince, and despite knowing this was a losing battle, opened his mouth to try, "I--"

"If you say the word 'fine', I'm going to knock you out," Arthur said sharply. 

Merlin grimaced. So much for hiding. At least the rest of the knights didn't seem to be involved, at least not yet. Hopefully they'd stay unaware around the fire.

So he just let out a defeated sigh, tightening the arm around his chest as the movement ached a little and glaring half-heartedly at Arthur just for something to do before meeting his guardian's eye with an unspoken apology. For what, he didn't really know. Hiding? Not being good enough? Needing to be looked after when Gaius himself was the one that had sent him on with faith?

The physician's concerned frown deepened as Merlin then hung his head. "Merlin," he repeated just as quietly. The boy looked up, exhaustion written all over his face now he had been caught, as such. Gaius gestured to the bed. "Lie down before you collapse," he said gently. The boy made a face like he didn't want to play patient, so Gaius added in a firm voice that left no room for argument, "Now." Merlin obediently curled onto his side, instinctively bringing his legs up a little and pointedly staring at a wall instead of the two men, too miserable to interact.

Gaius sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, regarding his ward with exasperated fondness. "Where are you hurt?" He asked softly, but his stern expression warned against lying. 

Merlin hunched in on himself a little more. "Threw me at a wall," he muttered eventually. "And then grabbed my ankle to drag me down the hall."

"And slapped you, then?" They ignored him. Arthur tried to inject teasing rather than concern in his tone, but it was a little worrying. Maybe he should talk to the knights and leave the two alone. It was likely Merlin would subject himself to being the patient, not the carer, more easily that way than being watched. So, despite not particularly wanting to, he frowned down at Merlin for a minute before addressing the physician. "Let me know if you need anything." At Gaius' nod, Arthur turned and left the hut, glancing back once as Merlin lifted his head off the pillow in confusion. There _was_ a bruise on his cheek. Oh, they'd be talking later.

With the prince gone, Merlin did relax a little bit. Not that he didn't trust Arthur, but he was supposed to be protected the man, not the other way around. Though Arthur did do his fair share of rescuing occasionally, it had to be said. The prat.

Gaius tapped his shoulder lightly. "Move your arm and lift your shirt up." His tone, once again, left no room for argument, and Merlin obeyed, too tired from everything.

Gently, Gaius ghosted well-trained hands over his back, watching critically for pain reactions. Bruises were certainly starting to flower, turning the skin into a bit of a tapestry, but nothing else was present. He turned his attention to the front as well, poking tenderly at ribs that were rather too prominent for Gaius' liking. That would be addressed later, but would take time more than anything. It was one thing to push food at the boy, another to have him eat it sometimes. Especially from recent events. Being possessed had done his body no favours, since basic necessities like food hadn't been on the fomorrah's mind. That being immediately followed by Gaius being taken, and it was any wonder Merlin was still on his feet half the time.

But that would have to be addressed later, Gaius reminded himself. Right now, Merlin needed his immediate injuries seen to, and to rest, with some time away from the others. He hadn't exactly spoken about what exactly had happened, but it was clearly nothing good.

Standing up, Gaius started to take the boy's boots off, severely hushing him when he tried to sit up in order to do it himself. "Lie still," Gaius ordered, and apparently the stern words and expression made him listen, and he stilled with a huff of pain as his mentor eased the boot off his injured foot.

"You shouldn't have been walking on this," Gaius murmured, examining the offending ankle with a frown. It was slightly swollen with a bruise wrapped around, presumably where the tentacle had grabbed. When he gently wrapped his own hands around it, checking for breaks, Merlin hissed in pain.

He warned the boy to stay still again as he stepped away to retrieve the medical kit. Just as gently, he bandaged the limb, then moved to Merlin's back, shushing gasps of pain as he carefully wiped a thin but cold salve over the bruises. He tested ribs again, and thankfully none of them proved to be broken, though one or two may be bruised, but there wasn't much to do about that unfortunately. Gaius pulled Merlin's shirt down over the bruised ribs and lightly touched his forehead, ignoring the grumble he got.

"No fever. But careful with those ribs, bruised bones can easily turn into something more dangerous."

Merlin gave his mentor a weak smile. "I know," he murmured, making Gaius smile fondly back. He was the one that had insisted the boy had a healer's knowledge, after all. He patted his hand and straightened, stepping away again for a minute to snag a nearby blanket. He spread it carefully over his ward, making sure he was covered from cold.

"Did you want something for the pain?" He asked quietly, already knowing the answer. As expected, Merlin shook his head into the pillow. Gaius sighed. "I'd rather you did; it would help you rest and heal quicker," he advised pointedly. At that, Merlin hesitated then raised himself up a little in response, leaning on an elbow while lying on his side.

"Alright. But don't tell the knights." 

Gaius frowned briefly but focused on pouring a dose of pain reliever and, without regret, added a drop of a strong sleeping draft. He handed the cup to Merlin, who absently swallowed it with barely an expression of distaste. The effect was instant, judging by the way his face cleared and eyes grew heavy. 

Taking the cup from his hands, Gaius gently put a hand on Merlin's shoulder to lightly push him back down on his side. Almost asleep already, Merlin easily curled in on himself and sighed drowsily as Gaius patted his shoulder before removing his hand.

"Don't think we won't be talking about this later," he said quietly as Merlin's eyes flickered up to him. "But for now, rest. I will tell Arthur not to let the knights disturb you."

Merlin nodded into the pillow, giving his mentor a last smile before sleep claimed him. "Thank you," he breathed, meaning more than just the last statement. _Thank you for putting up with me, for looking after me, for constantly lying for me._

It could mean all and none of those things, but Gaius didn't care. He brushed the back of his fingers against his ward's forehead, relieved to confirm no warmness. "Shh. Sleep, my boy. You're safe."

And Merlin believed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's 5am but ooh this isn't half bad. pls let Merlin sleep.


	11. 5.10 - The Kindness of Strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out a dying dragon is about as good as healing spells as Merlin himself. Which is to say, still better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part one?

Merlin stumbled the rest of the way back to Camelot, dazed. After Alator, and Finna, and now Kilgharrah... it was all too much, and so soon. Things were happening and he wasn't sure if anyone had the power to stop it. He apparently didn't.

It took tripping on the steps to Gaius' chambers - and how he had actually got there he had no idea; it seemed his legs and mind acted of their own accord, taking him home in his sorry state - for pain to flare back into his side. Oh. Since Kilgharrah was apparently dying, Merlin supposed the dragon wasn't able to heal him fully, because black spots were suddenly dancing across his vision and sinking down on the stone steps seemed like a good idea again. Only Finna wasn't here to keep him going this time.

That thought was more painful than the crossbow bolt, and it got him up. He forced himself to straggle up the last few stairs and reach for the door, planning to walk straight to his room and preferably collapse on his bed for a minute. That was all he could afford to pause for.

But when Merlin opened the door, Gaius must have heard the commotion because suddenly he was standing right there, and the fearful worry on his face was the tipping point.

"Merlin! ...Why do you look like you were shot?"

"I was." And Merlin fell to his knees, everything crashing down.

He could see things clearly as well as blurry. Gaius' expression skipped over alarmed and went straight into absolutely what could only be described as terror as Merlin dropped his hand from his side to brace it on the hard floor before he tipped forward, exposing exactly where the bolt had sunk into him. And Merlin knew he should really talk now, should really say what happened, and at least mention Kilgharrah's influence before Gaius could work himself up based on being mortally wounded. But Gaius never lost it, never worked himself up; even now, he schooled his expression into fierce concerned determination and immediately knelt next to Merlin, taking hold of his shoulders firmly and saying something. Merlin struggled to listen, reminding himself that he was safe but he still had a duty.

"Merlin, do you hear me? Lie down and stay very still. Merlin!" Gaius sounded quite as terrified as he looked but there was also a commanding presence, but Merlin weakly fought as Gaius tried to push him down onto the cold floor, and it wasn't as bad as the abandoned tower, but it was still not great. "Merlin, please. Lie still."

And that was what Finna had said too, so Merlin obeyed, and closed his eyes because he felt sick with knowledge, but opened them again when he felt Gaius try to look at the wound, and instead grabbed the physician's hands in his and Gaius' hands were practised and never trembled, but they were now, only slightly, and he sounded as desperate as his old hands felt.

"Merlin, let go, let me see or I can help you," Gaius practically begged, he could not understand why Merlin wasn't letting him at least try to help what looked like it could well be a fatal wound.

But Merlin shook his head and squeezed his eyes closed and opened them again, willing his mind to work, to reassure Gaius and figure out what to do now. "It's fine," he choked out, because it wasn't, actually, but he needed to get this point across quickly. "Kilgharrah healed me, mostly, I think, but, Gaius, he's dying and--"

"So you're still injured and you must let me help you or I will put you to sleep and do so either way," Gaius said, and he didn't sound that reassured, but his grip was a little less desperate as he pulled his hands out of Merlin's and reached for his shirt again. 

Merlin shook his head against the floor again, pain burning him but he wasn't actually wounded, or at least not dying, so it could wait. "Finna's dead," he gasped out, and he felt like he couldn't breathe, "She helped me and told me to go and Morgana found her and I know she's dead, I almost felt it." He tried and failed to take a breath, and he knew he was panicking but he couldn't stop, everything was crashing down and Gaius was only worried about him, as ever, but Arthur was the one who was going to die.

"Merlin, you have to calm down," Gaius said as calmly as he could, and he had given up trying to see the injury and instead was holding Merlin down with surprising strength, hands on the boy's shoulders as if his life depending on it. "You're injured and scared but you are safe now, so please let me look after you."

"No, no, he's going to die," Merlin gasped and he needed Gaius to understand the danger they were all constantly in, but especially Arthur, especially his master, his friend, and the true king of Albion, and it would all be for nothing.

Distantly he heard the door open and Gaius said something almost frantically, which was not how he ever speaks, and suddenly Gaius was holding his nose and pouring a herb-tasting mixture down his throat, and he coughed and swallowed and tried to communicate what had happened, but his mouth wouldn't work and he could see Gaius' sad and highly concerned expression as he faded into darkness.

"I'm sorry, my boy. Sleep. I promise I will look after you."


	12. 3.02 - The Tears of Uther Pendragon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting 'hit by a girl' is actually quite painful. So is losing a friend.

Once the branch was destroyed and Merlin had glanced over to check Morgana was at least alive, he hurried out of the chambers before someone discovered them. Morgana could no doubt retrieve a cover story that was absolve her but, as a servant, Merlin knew he had less chance of talking his way out of being in the vicinity of a magical object, especially with Uther's ward who could not possibly do any bad whatsoever.

So Merlin left his slumbering once-friend even as his heart tugged at seeing her defenceless, and made his way, a little more slowly now, back towards the infirmary to see if he could find Arthur or Gaius. The latter he could tell what happened but in honesty, he had no idea what he would say to Arthur.

Luckily, the prince was nowhere to be seen. Merlin eyed the room apprehensively as he absently helped tend to the wounded but no royalty appeared - Uther had also gone, which suggested Arthur had taken his father to his room for his to be tended there. Because obviously, the king couldn't be lumped with all the other knights and guards and peasants being treated in the makeshift hospital.

But Merlin couldn't be bothered to be bitter about royals right now. He finished up all he could personally help with, which wasn't even that much, then slipped dejectedly away as Gwen looked like she wanted to approach him from where she had been working on the other side of the hall. He stumbled to the court physician chambers, his feet knowing the way more than his mind did, frowning at a growing ache in his chest.

Grimacing, he sat down on a bench at Gaius' room and put a hand to his ribs. The side was a little warm and when he lifted his shirt, bruises were clearly beginning to blossom around the skin where Morgana had struck him with the hilt of her sword.

He almost rolled his eyes when he immediately thought of what Arthur would say. Something about being hit by a girl and patheticness, he imagined, as though the knight hadn't been thoroughly defeated by Morgause the year before in a public battle.

Deciding to ignore the pain (frankly he perhaps deserved it since most of this felt like his fault somehow, still) and get on with something else helpful before what happened could begin to set in, Merlin settled down to mix some potions, knowing a lot of the stock would have been or would be used after the attack. He ground herbs with a vengeance, roughly letting his ribs hurt at every move the twisted his torso, mixing together pain concoctions from memory, and sleeping aids, and anything else he could think of so he didn't have to wonder on other occurances.

"Merlin."

When Gaius' voice seemed to come out of nowhere, Merlin was so busy with the mortar and pestle that he dropped the items with a loud sound on the floor as he jumped, turning to face the intrusion, which made his side flare in pain and he instinctively put a hand to it with a gasp.

Gaius frowned and Merlin shifted uncomfortably under his guardian's stern gaze. So much for even trying to hide the injury.

Sure enough, without a word Gaius pointed to the bench Merlin had vacated when he'd first entered and stood there while the boy briefly considered his options, which were, admittedly, not much. "Sit down, Merlin," Gaius sighed, when it seemed Merlin was seriously considering if he could get away with jumping out the window by the way he was eyeing it.

Thankfully, he obeyed with a sigh of his own, wincing even as he sat down, hand still at his side. Gaius immediately took a seat next to him and put one hand on his shoulder in a warning not to rise before told. With the other hand, he gently moved Merlin's own from the boy's side and raised his shirt to check the injury. 

He started carefully prodding before asked quietly, "Was it Morgana?"

Merlin just nodded miserably. 

"What did she do?"

"Planted some kind of stick in the ground. That's what raised the skeletons." He winced as Gaius prodded a particularly deep bruise. "I tried to talk but she didn't listen. And when I tried to go for it, she slammed me with the hilt of her sword." He grimaced, gesturing with a nod at his chest. "In the end I had to collapse some of the roof in on her and went to break the thing."

Gaius nodded as he finished his examination and gently tugged Merlin's shirt back down and then touched the back of his fingers to the boy's forehead, making him flinch unhappily.

"Only bruises," Gaius said quietly, and Merlin nodded numbly, not looking at him. Gaius sighed and patted his ward's knee before getting up. He fetched one of the pain relieving potions Merlin had bottled and touched the boy's shoulder to get his attention before offering the bottle with a stern look that warned against argument. "Here. Since you did such a good job making them."

Merlin gave him a weak smile at the praise and slightly reluctantly took the bottle, regarding it almost cautiously before deciding that actually, he didn't really want to be in pain anymore.

He barely reacted to the unkind taste as Gaius took the empty bottle from his hands and put it on the table behind him before sighing again and patting his shoulder. "Get some rest, but watch those ribs. I'll check them again in the morning."

Merlin looked like he was about to protest but one glance at his guardian's stern concerned expression and he shut his mouth and slumped his shoulders. "Alright."

Quietly, he rose and shuffled towards the back room, head down.

"And Merlin," called Gaius, wanting, needing, to do something about the despair and defeat in the boy's eyes that were present despite the fact that they had technically won the battle. He paused, waiting until he had his ward's attention. "Well done."

The boy's expression didn't change, but he nodded once in an unspoken thank you and turned to go to his room. Leaving the door open, Merlin practically collapsed on his bed, wincing at the slight pain in his chest. What hadn't been abated by the medication was the hurt of Morgana's words; her actions.

After everything, she was so full of hate.


	13. 5.09 - With All My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aging himself twice, falling off a cliff, and performing a powerful ceremony is extremely exhausting, even for a powerful warlock

Gaius watched nervously as Gwen and Arthur, followed oddly by Mordred, trotted into the courtyard on two horses. After a moment where Gaius, as ever, feared the worse, a third horse followed, Merlin atop it looking, even from this distance, absolutely spent.

The servant slowly got down from the animal that was loaded down by bags, but before he could attend to them, the knight approached him and apparently offered to sort it out for him, because Merlin nodded gratefully - for once ignoring his feelings towards the boy due to pain and tiredness - and trudged towards the entrance of the castle, stumbling on nothing but managing to stay on his feet.

Gaius watched worriedly as the warlock disappeared into the building, then glanced at where Arthur was helping Guinevere off the horse they had been sharing. The queen was all smiles and gave her husband a quick kiss as he embraced her, suggesting she was back to normal. Or at least, however much their normal was these days. Even Mordred, who was usually strangely serious, looked lighter than usual. Gaius allowed himself a sigh of relief at seeing what he assumed meant the mission had been successful.

Despite hoping Merlin would be coming straight home, Gaius still jumped a little as the door to the chambers was shoved open and Merlin stepped inside, pushing the door closed without care and heading straight for his room. 

"Merlin?" Gaius said slightly anxiously - the boy looked about as exhausted as he ever had, alarmingly pale with darkness under the eyes.

He barely glanced over or paused in his step, replying tiredly, "Everything's fine. I'm going to sleep." And entered the back room to practically fall onto his bed face first and almost immediately stilled.

Gaius frowned worriedly, standing at the base of the steps. He watched his ward sleep for a moment, but there didn't seem to be anything untoward about, well, anything. He walked back over to the window to see the horses being led away by stable boys and all three riders gone. It seemed, for once, that everything had gone to plan. Merlin was obviously exhausted, but that wasn't exactly a death sentence. Everyone else, including Gwen, seemed fine.

So Gaius looked in on the slumbering warlock again, deciding to leave him to rest and questions later, before going back to work mixing various remedies and studying books. At nightfall, Gaius retired to his bed like on any other night, satisfied that everything was right at last.

* * *

Morning dawned like usual. Gaius made up a normal pot of porridge before calling to wake his ward up. When there was no reply, he left the pot before serving it and headed up the steps to the back room.

He found Merlin still deeply asleep, judging by the lack of fidgeting that usually accompanied his dreams. Gaius frowned a little - it was rather unusual for him to sleep so well, but the state of total exhaustion must have caused it. It wasn't that surprising either. Still, the boy needed to eat something and it was unlikely Arthur knew how tired his servant would be today, considering the king didn't know how much Merlin had done on their trip.

So, though he was loath to do so, Gaius gently reached out to rub the boy's shoulder. "Merlin. Time to get up." There was no response, and Gaius' frown deepened. He carefully shook Merlin's shoulder, urgency increasing until there was a groan.

Merlin turned his face towards the interruption but scrunched his eyes shut, muttering something barely audible; "Don't."

Gaius removed his hand from his shoulder and sat on the edge of the bed. "Merlin?" He asked again, cautiously.

The warlock pushed his face into the pillow with another groan. After a moment he turned to face Gaius again, blinking sluggishly. "Fell off a cliff," he muttered, closing his eyes again.

"Excuse me. You _fell off a cliff?_ " Gaius always thought the boy might get him killed, but he'd assume it would be through recklessness, not fear of his antics. "What..." The physician physically shook his head to clear it, focusing on what was important. "Where are you hurt? Does Arthur even know?" He added as an afterthought, assuming that could be why the king hadn't already stormed in with demands.

Merlin grumbled into the pillow, unaware of the worry he was causing with his short answers. "Don't know. Back aches. Must've hit my head because don't remember much," he admitted in a muffled voice.

Gaius immediately ran a hand through his ward's hair, checking for any blood or bump on the back of the head. Merlin flinched when he found a small lump, but there was no blood and it didn't seem too serious. Since there was no other reaction to checking the injury, Gaius concluded that though Merlin was unwilling to rouse, it was more to do with exhaustion than concussion. Satisfied the boy wasn't in immediate danger of dying from head trauma, Gaius gently pulled up his shirt instead, and had to stifle a gasp at the rich tapestry of bruises on display.

"I think it's fine," Merlin muttered, barely shifting as Gaius ghosted his hands over his back.

The physician gave his ward an incredulous look despite the fact he wasn't looking at him. "I think you're lucky not to have broken your back," he retorted, almost in frustration. 

Merlin huffed and turned his head to the other side before stilling. "Merlin?" Gaius called in concern. He got a grumble in response, which was enough for now. 

"Tired," the boy murmured, eyes tightly closed.

Gaius very gently patted his shoulder. "I know. You can go back to sleep; I'll get something for your back. But I'll be waking you periodically with that head injury," he warned as he stood. Merlin just nodded into his pillow, already relaxing with the knowledge he was in safe hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wanted to like. do more but was having trouble so stopped it there. also 5.09 went onto 5.10 in the background and I still want to do a part 2 to that here but,, I actually have work to do and I just keep writing Merlin fic instead help


	14. 5.12 -- The Diamond of the Day Part 1 (,,part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Diamond of the Day Part 1,, part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because who wouldn't have a f*ckin panic attack after losing the thing that literally makes them, yknow, THEM,,

"I've lost my magic."

Gaius, frankly, looked more horrified than Merlin currently felt. Admitting it out loud was worse than seeing it, in a way. He turned his unseeing gaze to the ceiling, vaguely noticing his breathing speeding up considerably as he struggled to think, think about anything, anything at all that was the overwhelming loss of most of who he actually was.

Darkness started to creep into his vision and with an effort, he registered Gaius talking in the background, though he couldn't work out what his guardian was saying. But it didn't matter because he couldn't catch his breath, but did that even matter? Maybe the thing was meant to finish him off after all, just drain his magic beforehand, and now something like poison was setting in, but this wasn't poison, or at least not like the poisons Merlin knew, this was suffocating in an entirely different way.

"Merlin!" A hand tapped his cheek and he forced himself to turn his head to look at Gaius because if he was dying, seeing his mentor for the last time was something of a priority. Gaius was understandably looking worried, but Merlin was feeling steadily worse, and his throat was closing up until he couldn't breathe and tears sprang to his eyes. On one hand, he knew he was panicking, but on the other, he was certain he was just straight up dying.

"I--" He tried to choke out, but shook his head on the pillow, flickering his gaze away from Gaius, desperately staring at the ceiling as though that could help regain his magic. If it was crystal, maybe.

"Merlin," Gaius was saying again, and again Merlin made an effort to hear him, "Can you sit up? It might help."

The boy tried to nod and started struggling to sit up on the bed, and Gaius moved to help him, putting an arm around his back and sitting even closer, on the edge of the bed, to support him because whatever the thing was it had left him astonishingly weak and actually, the only time Merlin had felt like this was after that poison from Nimueh, so maybe it was poison after all--

"I know it's scary, but you have to calm down, or I'll have to give you something." Gaius certainly sounded like he wouldn't hesitate to drug him, but the second Merlin tried to gain any sort of control, pain in his chest blossomed and he gasped for breath, putting a hand to his chest and grasping his shirt as though that was the problem.

He glanced at Gaius in fear before bowing his head, shaking it. "Can't-- I can't breathe," he managed to get out, aware his wheezing was reaching a dangerous level, if the darkness crossing his sight was anything to go by.

Sure, he'd seen others lose themselves a little after news. There was grief, of course, that would leave people sobbing and screaming. There was life-changing announcements, that would have people groaning and crying. But despite everything Merlin had been through, he'd never felt pure panic like this. Never had anything been this bad as losing part of himself.

Gaius' hand on his back pushed him forward a little and moved to the back of his head, and pushed that down a little too. "You're just panicking," Gaius said soothingly, though he sounded fairly worried himself. "You need to calm down before you pass out." 

He moved his hand to Merlin's back again and rubbed it calmingly in a pattern. "Try and slow your breathing," he said quietly.

Merlin did try. He did. But every time he thought he was getting back control, the thought of no magic would rip through him and he'd gasp and lose control all over again. He had automatically drawn his knees up and pressed his forehead to them when Gaius pushed his head down, but that wasn't doing much else, though it felt a little nice to not have to hold his heavy head up for once. "Can't," he gasped out, shaking his head into his knees and screwing his eyes shut.

Gaius' presence suddenly disappeared but Merlin didn't even have the strength to look. The unasked question was answered a second later anyway, when the bed dipped in an indentation in front of him and two steady hands gripped his shoulders. 

"Merlin. I know it's hard, but look at me. Please." Breathing hard, through gritted teeth, Merlin did the only thing he still knew how to, and listened to his guardian. Slowly, with a lot of effort, he dragged his head up to meet the physician's gaze.

His eyes were calm and true, and there was so much care and concern there. More importantly, they were familiar. He hadn't lost everything. Gaius was still here. And, and so was Arthur, somewhere, and Gwaine, and Gwen, and... 

It still hurt, but not all was lost.

"That's it," Gaius said in clear relief, even as Merlin dropped his gaze and clenched his fists, fighting to keep his breathing slowing and not speeding up again. It was still difficult, but it no longer felt choking. 

Still struggling, he drew in as long a breath as he could and breathed out hard, blinking away tears that had formed in his eyes. "There you go." A hand gently rubbed his shoulder even as Gaius got up again and sat on the edge of the bed just behind Merlin, and put an arm around his back instead. "It's alright."

And Merlin believed him, just let himself believe his guardian, just for a minute, and leaned back a little as though he was a child trying to nestled into his mother's arms. His breaths still hitched, but his vision was clearer and Gaius' solid presence at his back calmed him.

They just sat there together, still having the day to deal with, but safe for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> side note- everyone's different and it amuses me endlessly when ppl write abt ppl getting held and helped during panic bc personally I CANNOT be touched while panicking and stuff,, so many sure yall like. ask the person. but this is fiction and I can do what I want so.


	15. 5.10 - The Kindness of Strangers PART 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation!!

Gaius let out a breath as Merlin finally stilled under his hands, eyes fluttering closed. He glanced behind him to give a grateful nod. "Thank you, Gwen."

The queen just nodded distractedly and joined Gaius in kneeling next to Merlin, eyeing her friend in worry. She gasped when her gaze found the bloodied hole in his shirt and automatically started reaching out a hand to help before hesitating, not sure what to do. She glanced at Gaius in fear.

"What happened?" She asked as the physician gently eased Merlin's shirt up to see the wound. He didn't answer, but Gwen frowned as she caught site of what was not a fresh crossbow bolt hole but rather a partially scabbed-over injury that looked day old. She turned a questioning look on Gaius even as he hurried pulled his ward's shirt down again and seemed to think fast before meeting her stare.

"It happened a little while ago," he offered with a tight smile, "He was out and must have become overwhelmed by the injury again."

Gwen nodded slowly. That seemed... reasonable. Though it didn't exactly explain a lot. "What was wrong with him?" She asked, trying to indicate the panicked state she'd entered into with a wave of her hand.

Gaius sighed. "He overheard some news," he said, sounding just as old as he was, and turned a sad gaze on his ward's unconscious form. "And wouldn't calm down or let me check him over." He sighed. "No doubt the poor boy isn't going to be impressed when he wakes," he added, trying for some humour. Gwen gave a sad smile.

"Probably not," she agreed quietly. If there was something Merlin wasn't good at - despite all the things Arthur could list - it was being looked after. Dealing with a drugged Merlin was usually easier.

\--

Merlin woke some time later. He was in his own bed and his head felt heavy. The familiar ceiling looked down at him as he blinked in confusion. 

Tired, he tried to shift and there was immediately a hand on his shoulder. "Stay still," said a familiar concerned voice. He obediently stilled, just for a moment. The hand stayed. "How do you feel?"

The warlock sighed as though the weight of the world was on him - and it rather was, more than ever now - and turned his head to see Gaius sitting on a stool beside the bed, concern in every ounce of his expression.

"Like I've been shot," Merlin muttered, and brought a hand to his eyes to rub them, ignoring Gaius' unimpressed eyebrow raise.

"Yes," the physician mused, and finally removed his hand from Merlin's shoulder, leaning back just a little to regard him better. "And mostly healed, by the looks of it. Some rest and salve and it'll be fine." He paused. "Now you're calmer, would you like to tell me what happened?"

Merlin shrugged, wincing as he propped himself up on his elbows and shifted back to lean against the wall as Gaius reached to help him.

He took a breath and told the tale, of crossbow bolts, and Finna, and Morgana, and Kilgharrah. Of insane priestesses and dying dragons. Of loyal sorceresses and crossbow bolts.

It wasn't that long but it took a lot out of him, and when he finished, he remembered what it had all been for. Reaching into his pocket, he slowly drew out the small box given to him. "Here," he murmured, and passed it to Gaius, knowing it would be safe until they could look inside.

Gaius took it carefully and then looked to Merlin, brow furrowed in sadness and worry. "We'll look at it later," he said quietly, and pulled a blanket from the foot of the bed with his other hand, gently draping it over the boy and then placing a hand on his forehead. "For now, rest. You may have been healed but there's still chance of infection and damage. I'm sure Kilgharrah did his best, but you must look after yourself too," he said in a gently scolding voice.

Calmer under his guardian's old hand, Merlin felt his eyes flutter closed instinctively. But when the hand left, he forced them open again to squint up at his mentor.

Gaius still sat on the stool, watching him sadly.

"She's dead," Merlin remembered quietly. Gaius shook his head.

"It's not your fault, Merlin," he replied, as ever.

Merlin frowned and closed his eyes again, dreams drawing him in to distract from his aching side. Another person dead for him. After all these years, it should be more familiar.


	16. 2.01 -- The Curse of Cornelius Sigan

"So if the stone is removed from its setting... then the heart is broken and the soul is released?"

Gaius nodded solemnly. "That's right, yes."

Merlin looked down, lost in thought. It was much too much to consider that no one would tamper with the jewel and leave Sigan's soul untouched. It was also too much to ask that Uther would heed any kind of warning given to him about the tomb. More than likely, they would soon have to deal with the released soul of an ancient and powerful sorcerer.

It wasn't that appealing to think about, and Merlin grimaced.

He felt Gaius gently take the cloth from him again and briefly tilt his head up to carefully rub at the mud on his face again. He squinted. "I can do that," he muttered.

Gaius only smiled softly. "I've dealt with far worse, Merlin," he gently chided.

Merlin gave another small smile and let his mentor wipe away some more dirt before sighing, exhaustion suddenly tugging at him.

"What actually happened for you to end up quite like this?" Gaius asked quietly. It was an optional question, and Merlin half didn't want to answer. But he was tired, and annoyed, and possibly lucky the horses hadn't trampled him to death, apparently lying on the stable floor like that.

"I don't know," he answered truthfully, a slight frown creasing his forehead as he thought.

Gaius hummed non-committedly as he carefully pulled a few bits out of Merlin's hair, waiting for him to go on.

"Arthur thinks I fell asleep, but I _didn't_ and I know it." 

The unfairness of it all, and the argument, came back to him and Merlin took a deep breath, trying to ward off the upset feeling of being ordered aside so very quickly. As though all they had been through in the last year wasn't worth anything once someone more polite had turned up. It did hurt, a bit.

"Then what did?" Gaius' voice was still soft, not breaking this moment they had, and Merlin appreciated it - as he always did his guardian.

He shook his head slightly, causing the cloth to retreat. Gaius only drew back a little, watching Merlin with all his attention, as he often did. The man was much too good to him.

"I was just mucking out the stables - because that was, of course, the only thing _Cedric_ apparently hadn't done," and Merlin already felt like a child, so he pulled a face, and Gaius smiled a little in amusement. "Then I woke up on the floor, in _this_ -" he gestured vaguely to his face, "-and Arthur yells because the horses are gone then dismisses me for the day!"

Gaius frowned, concern showing through. "Do you remember anything else at all?"

Merlin wrinkled his nose. "There was a strange smell for a moment," he mused. "...But it is the horse stables, after all."

"Hm." Gaius regarded him for a moment. "Do you have a headache?"

Merlin considered himself. His head did hurt just slightly at the back, for some reason. He shrugged. "A little," he admitted.

He stared down at his trousers, thinking morosely that he still has to change clothes and then wash these clothes and even that probably wouldn't get all the stains and smells out. Alright, so he often mucks out the horses, but he doesn't usually lay down in the place.

Gaius gently put a hand under his chin to tilt his head up and peered into his eyes for a moment. "Well, you seem aware enough now," he murmured.

Merlin frowned. "Of course. I'm fine."

He only gets an eyebrow raise.

"You just told me you blacked out in the stables, Merlin," Gaius said slowly, but his gaze is caring as well as clinical. "You're lucky you weren't hurt by the horses."

"I--" But he stopped. If he is adamant he hadn't fallen asleep, then there wasn't much else to go on. He brought a hand up to his face to rub at his forehead, thinking. Nothing seemed untoward, but it was strange, now he considered it.

Gaius patted his leg gently and stood. "Well, you've nowhere to go tonight now, so clean up while I make dinner. You can rest after you eat something, and hopefully the morning will feel better." He eyed his ward from standing as Merlin nodded glumly. "You do look rather weary," he said quietly.

Merlin glanced up and gave him that slight smile again, which abated the physician's concern just a small bit.

"Thanks, Gaius. I'll be down in a bit," Merlin murmured, and half-heartedly shifted on his bed as if to prove he would get changed and cleaned. Gaius just nodded, and ruffled the boy's hair very briefly before leaving the room, pulling the door to behind him, but not shutting it completely, lest he be needed for anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You don't understand how much I love this scene, it's so tender and sweet


	17. 4.09 - Lancelot Du Lac

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I expect this'll be super short but I just want to write it and update this story itself bc i love it and dont want to forget abt it

Merlin came back from Gwen's trial rubbing his head where the Shade Lancelot had struck him in the hallway. It had pounded throughout standing in Arthur's chambers and listening to Agravaine try to manipulative the king, and continued aching fiercely when they'd all gathered in the throne room until Arthur had dismissed everyone. Agravaine aswell, though, so that was something.

Gaius had been out during the unfolding situation, and was appalled when he returned to the news, but this was the first he'd seen of Merlin.

The boy looked defeated. He'd known what was going on, and had tried to stop it, but had not succeeded. And now the first friend he had made here was suffering the consequences. Again.

"Come and sit down, Merlin," Gaius said quietly, stepping forward to bring his ward over to a bench and taking a seat close beside him in case comfort was needed. Arthur was one thing, but Merlin was sensitive and always very aware of his actions, how they affect others. This was another situation where he would blame himself for anything he did or didn't do.

They sat in silence for a moment, Gaius just letting the boy gather his thoughts. Merlin brought a hand up to rub at his temple. 

Gaius frowned slightly. "Are you hurt?" He asked, trying to recall what he'd been told. There had been some sort of fight, but it was reportedly short and between Arthur and Lancelot. However, Merlin did have the knack for getting inbetween weapons.

Merlin didn't reply though, so Gaius gently reached to turn the boy's head towards him, studying for injuries. There was nothing glaring, but that could mean little.

With a sigh, Gaius dropped his hand and waited again, but Merlin stared at the floor and didn't seem inclined to explain. Eventually, Gaius prompted quietly, "What happened?"

"I followed him, after the tournament," Merlin started, voice toneless as if reporting. "He met with Gwen briefly, then walked off. I threw him in a corridor, but he tripped me up and knocked me out with a sword. At least I know why he had that, now," he added grimly, and sighed. "Then I arrived at the room too late."

At the admission of an injury, Gaius turned his attention back to where Merlin was rubbing at earlier, reaching up to touch where he could feel a small lump was just starting to form. Merlin flinched but didn't protest, having gone back to staring at the floor with a blank expression.

Reassured it was minor, and certainly hadn't impacted the boy's recollection of events (- for good or worse), Gaius shifted to take up a potion from the table behind them. Checking briefly to make sure it was correct, he handed it to Merlin without a command, knowing insisting would do no good.

Fortunately, the boy was far enough away, or in enough pain - and possibly a few kinds - to take the offered drought, swallowing it quickly with barely a grimace.

Gaius took the bottle back from his lax grip and waited patiently. There was little to be done to help further. The mild sedative in the pain relief would hopefully calm Merlin out of his stupor, but other than being present, there wasn't much else.

"You should probably get some rest," Gaius said quietly into the silence, after they had sat for a while. Merlin gave a noncommital hum, but he seemed slightly more present.

After another moment, he slowly got up and started towards his bedroom, Gaius following suite and stopping at the desk as, instead of entering, Merlin turned and sat on the stairs. He took a deep breath and blinked; to Gaius' relief his eyes seemed clearer.

"This is what Morgana wanted all along," he spoke up after a moment, and Gaius could only silently agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any scene you'd like to see an aftercare of, please let me know!!


	18. 1.04 - The Poisoned Chalice (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin had known he was going to live under a physician, but he didn't expect to be the patient - especially so quickly after arriving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I randomly started writing the second part, then I remembered that I wrote the first part on my phone ages ago bc I wanted to put it in its own story, but there really isn't enough to do so. Maybe I'll do so when or if I ever finish Hold On.. despite this being like. the best thing ever. it's taking so long idk

Merlin had known he was going to live under a physician, but he didn't expect to be the patient - especially so quickly after initially arriving.

"Merlin, stop fidgeting," Gaius scolded as he sat back down in the chair beside the bed, a small bottle in one hand. Assumingly the potion he'd just bustled about making for the past ten minutes while Merlin tried to figure out how to get up without being yelled at.

Gwen had just left, after helping Merlin sit up on the pillows, and wipe most of the fever sweat off his skin, while regaling him with what had happened while he had been, well, dying. Apparently.

But regardless, he now felt practically back to normal, and had been surprised when sternly ordered to stay where he was and rest the moment he tried to get up. He hadn't yet heard the physician sound so... tight with worry, though he hid it well, professional as his job.

"But I feel fine now," he protested, not for the first time.

Gaius raised an unimpressed eyebrow. "You are much better, but the poison is still in your system, not to mention inherent dehydration and weakness from the fever," he lectured a he handed the potion pointedly to the boy with a severe look that warned against arguing. He was good at that, admittedly.

Merlin wrinkled his nose at the concoction as he took it, raising it up so light glinted off the thick brownish mixture. The sight gave him a faint feeling of nausea and he swallowed reflexively.

"Drink it," Gaius prompted, but softened his voice at Merlin's unhappy expression. "You need to eat too, but likely food will make you sick, since you haven't had anything in days. We'll need to start slow."

The warlock scrunched up his face and downed the potion quickly, trying not to gag at the taste. He handed the bottle back to his guardian with a shrug, trying for nonchalant. "It's fine. I don't really feel like eating right now, anyway."

"That's the fever," Gaius said immediately, and leaned in to press his free hand firmly to Merlin's forehead, ignoring the grumbled protests. But the boy knew better than to try and wriggle away - now, at least, after trying to avoid the ministration earlier had got him a fierce reprimand fuelled by worry. "It's low now, but it won't go completely until you're fully recovered and your body isn't exhausted. You need to continue to rest or it risks getting worst, poison or not."

Merlin sighed as Gaius removed his hand, and wondered vaguely if the aftermath of getting poisoned was always this tiresome. Given the fact that this was the Court Physician, and people often wanted to kill royals, no doubt there had been several cases as such over the many years. Probably more servants than the actual target, too.

"I can't be the first one that this has happened to," Merlin murmured aloud to himself, following his thoughts.

Gaius hummed noncommittedly at the comment as he took Merlin's wrist, checking his pulse. "How's your breathing?" He asked mildly, aware that his patient was restless.

"Fine," Merlin muttered, indeed beginning to become bothered by the same unnecessary questions over again. Gaius gave him a warning look at the tone and Merlin met his eyes before looking away with an apologetic grimace. This wasn't their fault.

"Merlin," Gaius sighed, letting go of his wrist and leaning back a little to eye him shrewdly. "I think I should write to your mother."

That was not what he had been expecting, and he looked back at the physician in surprise. "What?" He blinked and tried to sit up further before Gaius put a hand to his shoulder to stop the movement. Instead, he frowned at his guardian, confused. "Why?"

Gaius just looked at him for a moment. "You very nearly died," he said eventually, quieter. "In fact, by all physician accounts, you did."

Merlin felt uneasy at the sudden scrutiny, fingers twisting around the light blanket that still covered him. "You both seemed very upset," he admitted, just as quietly, although there was no one else in the room. "What happened?"

"Your heart stopped, Merlin," Gaius said seriously, and Merlin stared, fingers stilling. "Just for a moment, before the antidote set in. Giving you the cure when you were so far gone was dangerous. I think it shocked your body enough to shut it down, just for a moment, before it began to counter the poison." He paused, considering. "I don't know if it was your magic or mine that worked in the end," he trailed off to muttering in speculation, gaze unfocused as he thought.

Merlin felt a little cold. Of course, Camelot itself was dangerous, he had known that from the second he had walked in and seen an immediate execution. But this... he hadn't expected to literally die of a prince's poison before something kicked him back into existence. Magic? Destiny?

"Oh," he managed to say after a moment, learning back a little more on the pillows to gaze unseeingly at a burn on the ceiling. Gaius put an old hand over his young ward's.

"That's why I'm being so thorough," he explained quietly, and gave a small but kind smile when Merlin turned his head to meet the steady gaze.

After a moment, he nodded slightly, and Gaius patted his hand before drawing back. "But as I said, you are recovering well," he continued warmly. "Even if you are much easier to treat while unconscious," he added with a hint of humour.

Merlin huffed what could have been a chuckle. His mother used to say similar things about him being perfect while asleep sometimes.

"Nonetheless. I want you here, resting, for today. Tomorrow, the fever should be fully gone after sleeping it off. I have a draft that will make you drowsy if you find yourself too awake by nightfall," and there was a slight warning that suggested taking the potion wouldn't be option at that point, "But exhaustion should keep you under for a good few hours."

Merlin nodded again and looked down at the blanket he had been fiddling the edges with. He expected Gaius to then get up and continue on with whatever he usually did, but when there was no sound from beside him, he glanced up.

Gaius was watching him with open fondness, eyes oddly bright.

* * *

The next day, after Gaius had examined his ward by late morning, he finally let the boy get up and led him over to the table, bringing the blanket from the bed and draping it around his form, leaving him with a goblet of water to sip at.

It wasn't that surprising when Arthur approached, and Gaius gave the prince an approving nod as he left, before bringing a small bowl of soup over to the table.

Typically, the royal's visit had sparked question.

"It was you she wanted to kill. Seems someone else knows you're destined for great things, Merlin."

Gaius gave his ward a specific look before leaning back slightly, Merlin's gaze shifting to stare sightlessly at a distant wall, unsure of what to make about this conclusion. On one hand, a tiny part of him pointed out it was somewhat nice to be known, at least. But a first murder attempt - in front of two kingdoms, no less - didn't bode well for the future with this mysterious enemy out to get him.

Merlin blinked back into awareness when Gaius lightly tapped the table, absently looking back at his mentor, who gestured at the spoon Merlin forgot he was holding. "Now, eat that. You should be able to keep it down."

The boy refrained from making a face. A little while after he'd woken up, when he was steady Gaius had forced him to drink an emetic to get rid of any residue poison. At least it was after Gwen had left, after being repeatedly assured by both patient and physician that everything would be fine now. Small mercy. Assumingly the serving girl had seen enough of Merlin being ill during the poisoning.

"You can sit here for a while, then I want you in your room, resting, this afternoon," Gaius continued, watching him shrewdly as he lowered the first spoonful of soup to frown at his mentor.

"Still? I'm fine, promise," Merlin tried to protest, but was immediately cut off.

"Being poisoned is quite the ordeal, and if you want to recover completely as soon as possible in order to serve Prince Arthur tomorrow as you just said, then you need to rest," the physician lectured, and stood up, ignoring the boy's continued unimpressed expression.

Merlin glowered at the bowl of soup, but obediently brought the spoonful to his lips. It was warm and felt fairly good, though a little foreign to his empty stomach.

Gaius had offered him some bread yesterday by evening, reminding him to take it slow, but the warning wasn't needed, as the first tiny bite of food immediately felt strange and ignited a distant sickness ache in Merlin, who tried a few more nibbles before giving up, curling up with the blanket to try and combat the uncomfortableness under Gaius' concerned gaze.

But slowly, the soup was sipped and Merlin managed to finish most of it, the rich liquid filling his stomach in a warm way, still a little odd but not aching. Gaius had alternated between watched over his ward and busying himself around the room, finishing clearing away the medicines and cloths and other things that had been out to tend to Merlin. He had started putting things away the day before, but had left others out in case there were complications after waking. Thankfully, the warlock seemed to be well on his way to recovery, despite his grumblings.

True to his word, after Merlin had finished what he could, Gaius cleared up the table as well, approving the attempt, and let his ward sit contently for a while, occasionally chatting about nothing in particular. It was a very companionable morning. 

After an hour or so, Merlin yawned, surprisingly tired after merely sitting up and eating a bit. He felt a bit bothered with himself that he wasn't actually strong enough to stay up the whole day like he'd thought as Gaius appeared behind him and patted his shoulder in a gentle gesture, understanding the frustration.

"You'll be back to yourself soon enough," he promised, helping the boy stand up and leading him towards the small open room with a hand on his back.

He made sure his ward was comfortably installed on his bed, and left him with his magic book to read if sleep didn't come, then sat on the edge of the bed just for a moment, resting a hand on the boy's knee. Now it was clear all would be fine again, Gaius felt relief filling him, and had to pause, just for a moment.

Merlin peered over at him curiously, and gave a hesitant smile. Gaius took a breath and shook his head slightly, hopefully dispelling any concern the boy was developing from the slight strange behaviour by his guardian. Gaius was meant to be a rock, a surety, a help. He had promised to look after this young man the moment the boy's mother had asked, even before they had first met. Which wasn't even that long ago. It both felt like it was, and like it wasn't. And in the end, time didn't matter. Despite the short time, the warlock had become so special to the physician. And almost losing him so suddenly was more difficult than Gaius could ever have forseen. And now, knowing he would be alright until next time, relief felt heavy.

But regardless, he had a duty. And it wasn't to burden a recovering young man with his old dwellings.

So Gaius patted the boy's knee and stood up, giving him a reassuring smile and a reminder to stay in bed before departing, leaving the door half-open. Enough to give privacy, allowing time to hide the illegal book should someone approach, but also enough to hear any sound and immediately help if needed.

It was enough for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not only do we not know what endings are, we also don't know what beginnings are!!  
> i started this with the quote (which took me a while to write for some reason, i couldn't retain what was being said and had to play the clip like 5 times idk maybe bc it was midnight) then wrote like 3 sentences, then went back and wrote up the first bit that was on my phone, fleshing it out a little, then went back to the second part, and continued writing that, and arrived at our usual ending place: what are endings ???  
> anyway this was pretty good, maybe i will put it in its own thing, but it's here now and it's gone 2am so i'll just leave it and decide later, cool, okay thanks,   
> let me know if you too are thrilled abt poison or if you're normal

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with my father-son and also hurt/comfort bullshit yes hello I'm not over these two ever thanks


End file.
